Soy Juanita

How to Make the Best Cup of Hot Chocolate. Ever.

2009-02-02T11:17:00.000-08:00

Cacao grows on a tree like this. These ones aren't ready yet- they turn a yellowy- brown when ripe.

When it's ripe you start with the raw cacao fruit (above). You can eat the small bit of fruit around the seed which tastes a little like a grape and that leaves you with the purpley seeds. Then you let the seeds ferment for some time(not pictured).

Now you have a bunch of dried out fermented cacao seeds. Put on your bathing suit and start a fire. Smokin'!

Get a little help from your friends to stir the beans so they won't burn on the bottom. Stir til they start to pop and smell real good.

Now they're roasted! While they're still warm shell the little papery skins off them.

Then you have the fresh roasted edible beans. Eat a few just to make sure. Just to make sure you're still alive- that stuff's the bomb!

Pour some beans and sugar in a mortar and pestle it up, just like in the olden days...

Uh, the coffee grinder's a lot faster- but don't let anybody see!

Boil it on the stove in water (add a little bit of fresh ground coffee if you want to be really divine about it.

Pour and serve hot.

Kiss and enjoy..

With friends!

I'm Fine!!!

2009-01-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

I heard from a couple of you that you were worried that I was in an earthquake here. Actually, I was in San Isidro and did not feel a thing- no earth movin, no shudder, nothin. We only heard about it after it happened and my heart goes out to the people who were affected.
Now that that's out of the way, i guess i can go back to writing in all lower case letters. so i got in to the valley i am staying at a week ago today- very beautiful, green, lush. i had connected with a friend from childhood, i mean like 2 or 3 childhood when we were apparently part of the 'kid herd' on the farm together, through facebook. autumn has a small restaurant she opened here recently which is very cute and i will be helping her some; she also found a place for me to stay nearby- thanks girl!
for the first week i was in san jose staying with some norwegians and now i'm near san isidro, which is pretty much gringolandia. it's kind of... strange to be so segregated. i can see how the influx of so many north americans has made it harder for a lot of ticos- the ones who aren't profiting from the tourists with hotels and restaurants and such. for example, all the gringos i have met who have bought land here have done it with gringo money- that is to say, american wages, which are many times higher than what costa ricans work for(usually around $2/hr, i hear). so how can the people from here compete with the rising land prices? and rising everything prices? it's happening in neighborhoods and countries all over the world. it's an uncomfortable thought- that i, just by being here am part of this problem. of course it's not the only issue- there are plenty of things all of us do from the comfort of our own secure homes in the united states that make life harder for people all around the world. it's good to remember this, good to try to change it.
uhhh.... i don't know where to go from that.
well, i am writing a lot- feels great. am also reading a lot and have started an interesting habit- for the past week or so i have been doing 2 hours of yoga every morning- having a nice yoga retreat. lovin that. am living with 2 older women- one is 69 and the other is 75!! i have to be honest and say that one is driving me crazy! i don't want you to be too jealous- everything isn't always necessarily roses just cause you leave the country. i am, overall, happy that i made the decision to unsettle myself, though. i feel like i am on a retreat of some sort, even if there is no schedule of workshops and stuff. there is gourmet food, though- autumn has been feeding me good up at the cafe- fresh fruit, veggie juices, salads.... yum. oh yes, and a water- into- wine kind of a never ending river of hot chocolate made with fresh roasted ground cacao- divine! am swooning right now.
i have to tell you about the trip we took to the beach at the nearby town of dominical, probably my most exciting news because i discovered a passion. we were hanging out and swimming and i was having a particularly super time in the water- jumping all around and being silly. and watching the surfers. waaaayy cute. then autumn ran up and said hey do you want to rent surfboards and it was as if she read my mind.
ok, ok. so we went and rented some beginner boards. she and her friend chris went out for a while first and she actually stood up a few times. then i went out. she told me how you have to paddle paddle paddle and then dip your head and board down under the waves as they're crashing down until you get out beyond the break. i made it out there and then she said, ok! here comes one- try and get it. i turned around to face the shore and started to paddle to stay a little in front of it, and then it caught me up and all of the sudden i was going so fast- like a video game or something. it was so fast i didn't even turn around to see the wave behind me and i was screaming and laughing the whole way in. omg i hope i'm describing it good. it was one of the funnest things i've ever done- and i never even stood up!!
i always intuited that i'd be a great surfer- had just never tried it before. it's like when augusten burroughs said that after his first cigarette he realized he had always been a smoker- he just hadn't had cigarettes. it's just me and the waves from here on out, dude:). i have a new goal of moving down to the beach and becoming a surfer girl. minutes after that first wave in i was fondly remembering that winter i spent surfing in costa rica when i was 29.
the goal of moving back to the city and studying spanish and latin american literature is still there, but we will see. the place i was to be staying at fell through and i'm not sure how excited i would be to be in the city now. but i am still planning on going back to school when i return to austin in may. and then on to start my fabulous career in.. one thing or another. giggle. giggle.
i mean, is it so wrong that all this girl wants to do right now is surf?
and surf some more?

Jennifer Gale

2009-01-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

this is something i had wanted to post almost a month ago when i heard the news that jennifer gale passed away. she died in the cold on december 16th. i just read a quote from austin mayor will wynn that `jennifer, we believe, is the 136th person who has died sleeping on the streets (of austin) over the last 12 months.´ thats more than ten per month- around three per week, just in austin.
i met jennifer when i was canvassing in downtown austin for greenpeace, a very fun time in my life. downtown in the middle of the day you see a bunch of business guys running around in their suits and ties, the jesus freaks, the canvassers, and the homeless.

it was our job to speak with people who might have money and try to get some of it from them for greenpeace and ourselves. i had a great time talking to the homeless population, though. there were so many characters- there was leslie and a cross dressing knockoff you would usually see stumbling around on methadone with his eyes rolled back into his head, who i called 'leslie 2'. he had a fantastic wardrobe, though- black vinyl, the tallest platforms, garters. i was always mystified about how he was ever together enough to pull off these amazing and detailed style feats. i hope he didn't just have some kind of disease that made him look drugged out all the time and now i'm being a jerk.

a lot of the people down there had some really interesting points. i remember one time in the spring i saw a woman with one of those red clown noses and some antlers on. she was smiling at everyone and, even sans antlers, she seemed like she might not be all there. i asked her if she had a minute for greenpeace. we started talking and she said she would like their address in case she ever had an extra dollar she could send in. she told me why she had the nose and antlers on- she got cold, she said, and the wind really bothered her. at first she had tried to wear a ski mask but she received angry or scared stares and people would walk away feeling worse. so then she found the clown nose and people started laughing when they saw her and they left with a smile on their faces. and the antlers? they just went with the nose.

jennifer was one of my favorite people to talk to. she always had something interesting to say. it might come off as a little wacky at first but then you'd be like, hey- they really should have a place where the homeless can stay in shape or, hydrogenated oils should be banned from all school campuses.

our conversations would almost always come around to hydrogenated oils. she really schooled me on that subject. this was before the europeans banned them and before cheetos and lays and almost all junk chips (except fritos, which have always been the hippy staple of convenient stores) and cookies had 'partially hydrogenated oil' in the first three ingredients. i had a vague notion they were bad for me but didnt know why. she said that after she had cut them out of her diet for a while and then tried to eat them again she could feel her mind spacing out and having trouble concentrating, her heart rate quickening, and eventually a crash- like the experience to eating too much white sugar, which she was also lobbying against.

well, i stopped eating hydrogenated oils and when i tried them again i found that she was totally right. from that conversation i ended up developing a theory on my own high school depression- i think it was all the dang cheese nips and hot pockets and whoppers i ate.

jennifer believed all these things and she acted on them. she was at city council meetings voicing her opinions every week. she ran for mayor multiple times and she came close to being elected to the school board. and she was a freakin' transgendered person living on the street!

what i liked the most about her, other than her willingness to speak her mind, was her wide- openness. she kept her sensitive heart open to the world and to everyone i saw her come into contact with. we can all learn from that.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T11:16:00.000-08:00

hey y'all! i hope you had a wonderful new years eve last night, and are having an equally great first day today. well, i got in to san jose a few days ago and have been travelling with quang, alex, robert, and their friend stephanie since then. she's from here so the first night we went back to her family's place and hung out and they told me all about their trip thus far and showed pictures and stuff. then the next morning we got up early and headed out in our rental car up into the mountains toward some hot springs near a volcano, arenal. all the springs we had seen on the internet were really expensive, but they were beautiful- a little flowing hot river in the middle of the jungle- we decided to go anyway and try to find a free spot to jump in. and we did find that spot. we went to the very nicest resort on the river, which costs about 75$ to enter, and parked on the road with everyone else. then instead of walking in through the hotel gates we just walked down the road a bit and found the free local access. it was so nice- i'll try and attach photos.
we bathed there for a while and went exploring and even at one point got kicked out of the fancy hotel part of the stream- which was not any nicer, by the by. then we hopped back into the car and went all the way to puntarenas, a small port town that had the ferry we wanted to get on to go to a beach town called monteZuma, which we had heard was a fun little hippy town and beach to hang out in.
we thought we might stay the night in puntarenas for the night but it was just a dingy funky town so we said, let's head straight for the ferry. we got there and there was already a huge line of cars waiting to get on so we got in line, as it turned out, two cars after the cutoff line for the last ferry. we waited it out because they said they were trying to call another ferry to accommodate the many more cars still in line- this was a really busy time because costa ricans had off from christmas to new years and everyone was going to the beach to celebrate and vacation on the beach.
so, after much waiting around drinking a few beers outside the car, and an ill fated chicken run which produced a bag of cold, old, yellow port-town chicken, the line started to move and we actually made it in by our skins onto that ferry- i think someone's car had broken down or something and everyone jumped in front of them like mad.
it was the night ferry, leaving at about eight, and was full of rowdy young costa ricans playing music and dancing and drinking, getting ready to party at the beach. after that we all piled in our cars and headed down to monteZuma to find some food and a place to stay.
we got in at about 10:30 and every hostel or hotel we asked was full for the night. also, no restaurants were open, though we eventually did find some piZZa to eat. for the housing problem, we decided to build a fire and sleep on the beach. it occurs to me now that we couldn't just do that in the states, but there it was no problem. the worst part about it was that i awoke at 3am with excruciating cramps and started my period. so far, i've lived my life until now, even making it through high school without having started at a more inconvenient time. so i spent a couple hours in agony by the fire until the advil kicked in.
then the next morning we got up early and went back to this cute little hostel we had seen on the internet and tried the night before. by a stroke of luck for us someone had checked out early just that morning so they had a room for us, but even 15 mins later i saw them turning people away because it was that packed.
so i had an awesome shower and went down to the beach for the day. it was gorgeous and relaxing. in the afternoon, the guys went back to the room for a nap and stephanie and i went hiking around to some other beaches. we found a fresh stream that led up to some more waterfalls and pools in the rainforest. it was great- lush, cool, clean and green. and we were the only people around. on our way back we saw a family of howler monkeys in the trees above us. the baby was so little and cute, but the dad was so big and, though he was cute, too, he started making this barking sound to scare us off. it starts as a low drumming sound and progresses to a sound that conjures images of the biggest baddest police german shepard- slash- wolf-boar. it's intimidating, for sure. and a great acting turn for them cause they're really not that big.
then the next day we caught the ferry back- almost missed it like the first one because we got lost and had a flat tire. but somehow we made it and i bought a fresh coconut as we got out of the car. then we ate lunch at a little restaurant connected to a fisherman's association. we ate the best ceviche i've ever had.
then we drove back to san jose and ended up here at our friend chris's parents' house up on the hill overlooking the city. chris is a norwegian who was raised in the states and costa rica, and lived with quang in austin last year. he's here visiting for a few months and i am planning on staying here in february and march while i take spanish classes at the university.
but now i'm off to meet up with a friend named autumn who was born on the same commune as me and has been living here for a few years. she lives more in the country and i wil stay out there with her for a month or so.
ok. that's the trip so far. i'm being safe. having fun. thinking about the now and the future, sometimes the past.
love,
me

2008-12-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

first off, you really missed it. by you, i mean anyone other than joe and heather, who were our tag- team studio audience for the last distinguished p interview (another great success, if you even have to ask). this round was ignacio del espacio, famed emailist and puppeteer. he spoke about life growing up in the carribbean and whether or not he was popular there. sadly, he has not met any other famous people before so we couldn't dwell on that, but he did reveal his birth name. that's right, ladies- anyone wanna take a cruz? that info is top secret, of course. not that i cant print it here, but now you just have to keep the secret. and the walk out is at three on friday.
i think you should all do yourselves a favor and visit: www.cafepress.com/jesus_was_black
for some good gift ideas for the holidays. Your religious extended family will appreciate one of these christmas tree ornaments. also theyre designed by a girl i work with at the mall. thats right, i said it. the mall- lets just get that out of the way.
the most pressing thing i have to tell you about it, and it's really that i just want to get it off my chest- to tell someone, is: i hate coach bags. and everyone and their mother, especially their mother, has one- either a coach or a fauxch. theyre just so dingy and brown and mediocre. they look like the purses that you'd pass right over at the thrift store- old and beat- up looking even when theyre new, lame design- i feel bad just looking at them. this guy coach has made a killing on this marketing strategy- make a bunch of boring purses with a monotonous logo repeated all over it, and colors? how about brownish grey and tope? overprice them et voila! they're desirable.
enough about those damn bags. i mean, if youre gonna do a logo bag, youre better off with louie vuitton. though still somewhat ugly, they look cuter, but that could just be because they seem more exclusive. you wear that purse to say, "look at all my money, babay, i just drape it on my arm like this"
and whats with the new trend of everyone carrying purses with cow prints on them? most women, i think, don't want the allusion of heifers anywhere near them. then why? why are they all carrying these big cow bags? this is a new trend- i really only started noticing it a few weeks ago. if i didnt work at the mall i would never know about these things and possibly neither would you. finally, you dont have to go all the way to the mall to hear breaking fashion news like this. just keep on tuning in, folks.
i'd like to post some of the audio from the interviews here. who am i kidding- my computer doesnt even have sound or images. before you laugh, i like having a little older, less intelligent model around. it's workin for me and not the other way around, know what i mean? i don't want no "hal" moments around here.
i heard that
who said that?

Thats what I Want

2008-11-18T22:38:00.000-08:00

i was never a baby holder when i was young- you know, the girl who spots a baby and has to hold it. i was really fine if i never even got to touch one. i think people could tell and they didn't give me their babies that often. at one point i might have decided that in order to be popular i would have to start to like and fawn over babies, but after a few tries i gave that up- wasn't me (not that i didn't do many other superficial and disingenuous things in that pursuit, but.)
but then, when i was about 23, all that changed. it started as an interest in those "little people" that i hadn't ever experienced before. all of the sudden, babies were cute. i still didnt want to touch them, but i could start telling them apart. and appreciating their beauty- i would smile at a beaming mom and honestly say, cute baby. it was so new- i finally felt like one of the club.
and once i was in that club, i was not going back. in fact, it didn't take long before i had a real desire to hold any baby i saw. babies of friends, of people who i didnt know. my hands would get warm and reach out for the writhing little fellas. i'd be counting the seconds til i could hold that baby. oh, you feel so good holdin' a baby!- you get all warm and gushy as a hormonal rush hits and you can smell their little baby heads. my mom has a friend who says that the smell of a baby is contagious- he warns against smelling them unless you plan on having one.
and plan on having one i did! baby holding is pretty much a gateway drug. you keep coming back for more. but its not long before you start following pregnant women around the store and buying way too many maternity- looking clothes for yourself, which, yes, they are in style now but if youre imagining how cute all your clothes will fit once you're pregnant-you've got a problem.
it's a downward spiral. pretty soon i was in all out desperate "someone put an effin' baby in me, stat" mode. of course, there was a major part of the equation that i was paying little attention to- thats right, the baby-maker. no, not god, though i would have her baby. the guy, silly! i begrudgingly began my quest to find someone suitable, but came back empty-handed.
and thats how i passed the last 5 or 6 years- in a hormone- induced baby frenzy, looking for babies and the right man to feed my habit. i figured i would just live out my life that way, or at least my thirties. but the strangest thing has begun to happen: my baby yearning is slacking. if it were on a graph, you would see a sharp decline over the last six months. recently, it all but drops off.
and it's being replaced by something else: i used to want a baby. now, i just want money. yep, thats right- no more warm soft baby- i want cold hard cash. i want a little money- baby that i can cuddle and rock to sleep at night. a little lamb of benjamins.
and i want a car, and a big big crib- the kind on mtv, and designer high- heels and hair extensions- i want the whole lot. i dont know where all this came from- outta left field and i'm sure freud would have an interesting and inaccurate view of what it springs from. my friend, dirty joe said, in his wizened country drawl, in between puffs off a top cigarette, "aww, waneeta, don't go chasin' false idols," and i appreciate his advice, but how the hell am i gonna get rich with friends who have names like dirty joe anyway.
all i know is that i finally kicked the baby habit. stopped smokin that baby- crack. sure, i might be on money-methadone, but i feel like i'm making progress.
actually, i really do feel like a veil was lifted and i've got a new lease on life. what the hell was i doing to myself all those years, anyway? i can remember a conversation i was having with a friend about a year ago- we were talking about guys and he said, 'you know, as a gay man i don't really have that whole married with kids thing to fall back on in my life- i dont have that plan' like he wished he did, but i could feel some of my future-reality fabric tearing away because when he said that, all i thought was that his future was wide open. like he didn't just have to stop when he hit up to this wall of a conventional idea- he could do whatever he wanted.
that's how i'm feeling right now- instead of the intense fear of not having children that i've lived under for this long, i can just let the baby thing go and see what all the other exciting possibilities are. will i be a british secret agent? the 186th woman to fly a plane around the world?
a great single girlfriend of mine was miserating the other night about how she'll be lonely forever when all she wants is a husband and kids. i thought, girl, dont waste your time with any idiot that comes along- go out and find what it is that you want to do- it's ok to be totally empowered in thinking just about yourself. don't put a limit on what you can do using society's rules- make your own!
so in a way, i'm giving the middle finger to the domestic bliss myth that i think has a lot of gals like me feeling down about their situations. a friend of mine who has a kid said to me, when we were talking about how people tend fall in love with the idea of someone else and not the reality, that having children is like that, too- that there is a whole romantic story about it, but when you actually have one, it's a helluva lot of work- work that doesn't let up for eighteen years. and i know that eventually i would still like to do it, but right now- i ain't goin' out like that.
i still want a beamer and a mink coat, though. just kidding! i'd rather go naked(than wear fur)!

Blogger Declares First- Ever Distinguished Person Interview A "Success"!

2008-11-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

thursday, 6:33pm- a little late. all was calm in the backspace at 300 allen st., except the usual bustlings of the stolid germanic workforce behind inside books, sending free books to texas prisoners since a long time ago. it was their worknight, after all.
but something else was also happening in the teevee close by, with an audience member culled from the house to prove it- the first ever of the Fall interview series of Distinguished Persons!

this week's DP was heather. she told some great stories about growing up in vero beach, florida and her dreams to move to new york and own a cat named napolean. she also recounted a fabulous story about when she climbed way up into a bay tree to get out of going on a third date with someone. i'd love to post some soundbites here but dont know how. i'll be working on it. i got this knock- off ipod that i cnat quite figure out how to work, but i did get to record the interview on it. it's digital- it should sync up, right?

this week on sideways "the view" : arte y revolucion

interference! please adjust your television sets

members of our studio audience

some other audience members get back to work at inside books

all in all, a fabulous evening and a dashing success. i'd like to thank heather for her sweet poems and entertaining conversation. and roy for the pictures and for being a good audience w/rolando and the ibp folks.

come to the next one, y'all! it might even be... dun dun daa! :Rolando! (i still have to ask him)

Free LOve

2008-11-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

first let me give a shout out to one of my new fave free events around austin- the texas book festival- wassup! OMGolly, i had such a good time at this, my first book festival. i never went before because i always thought it would be some lame book- selling fair with stuff i couldnt buy(i've never been to one of those either, so they really might not be lame). well, there was plenty of stuff i couldnt buy but that was totally not the focus of the event. what it is is a bunch of writers who come to the state capital to participate in interviews and panels.
man, it is so fun. first we saw jennet conant who had written a book about roald dahl and other british spies in america during WWII. yes, that's right, i'm outing him right now, right here, as a spy. the story she dug up was so friggin interesting. i dont want to give much more away but ian flemming, creator of james bond 007- he was one, too. her book is called "the irregulars: roald dahl and the british spy ring in wartime washington." very juicy story. i also saw marion winnik, a panel of memoirists and a panel of writers talking about adolescence. it was so interesting and entertaining and as my friend quang said, "dang those people are so smart."
if it's free i love it. i'll try and keep up with free stuff going on around town to tell y'all. i forgot to tell you that that is one of my superpowers- finding free stuff and then attending or acquiring it. example: you can get a free digital camera just for signing up for a discover card. really. i did it and got the camera.
oh, yes. there is actually a free event that i will be hosting tomorrow at the rhizome collective. it's at 6pm and will be the first ever interview in the "distinguished persons fall interview series." i will be interviewing heatherann, who some of you might know from bikes across borders rides, inside books, florida, or as a kpwr dj.
i think that our stories are as interesting as those of anyone on "inside the actor's studio" or "fresh air" or even the texas book festival. also, there's a great, big tv- shaped area in the back of the rhizome that is the perfect space. grab your jackets and specs and i'll see you tomorrow, thursday, in the backspace.
heart,
juanita

The City in the Sky

2008-10-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

last night i had a dream that i was in the mountains at a spiritual school of some sort. there were monks teaching kids staring into bowls, the whole place was high up in the mountains with only the peaks poking through the clouds floating in the valley. i was passing through an open hallway and noticed that one mountain across the fog had a giant sculpture carved into it, of a man and a woman or of some gesture of love and protection.

wow, that's cool, i thought, i never noticed that before, and as i reached for my camera i remembered that it had been stolen and then i thought, dang!

in the dream i had been coming to this place on an airplane and had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when i came back to my seat, a necklace i left there was gone. i thought it was the monk next to me but said nothing. then later, i was in the classroom of another monk- talking after class, when that same young monk came to ask a question. as he was leaving, the older teacher asked him to give back the things he had stolen from the classroom in the short time he was there- so the young monk started pulling stuff out of his pockets- an apple, keys, a pencil, and he tossed them back to the professor. apparently he was a klepto- monk and this was a regular occurance.

the older monk remained dispassionate about it and only put the stuff back on his desk, but i, realizing that this must be the guy who had stolen all my stuff in mexico, ran and jumped on him and we tumbled down some stairs and around the corner and then i was really beating the crap out of him- crying and yelling at him in a rage that he had taken things from me that were given to me by my family and by my deceased father, my deceased abuela! as i said 'dead father' there was a short pause while i realized that there might not be very much relation between the necklaces my father had given me (and which were actually stolen in mexico) and my father and the memories that i have of him. but i still wanted to make the monk feel bad, really really bad, for taking them so i yelled, 'you took the camera which held photos of people i care about!' and he was still smiling, almost laughing- oh really? and we both knew- what do those photos have to do with your friends?

it also occurred to me that it was kind of hypocritical- here i was really beating this guy up- in a moral rage over the wrong he had done. to me. that's the kicker, isn't it?

still, i just wanted to make him hurt like i had hurt, and he was only laughing- so i clocked him one right in the head and then it disappeared and i was shocked but i saw he had only bent his neck back and his head was still there. he brought it back, smiling, and i was looking at him still filled with rage, and then i woke up.

at first i thought, how awful to have a dream like that and wake up feeling like this- engulfed in all the rage i have for the thieves. but now, as the day has moved on i see what the dream was telling me. what i am telling myself over and over about why i hate the thieves and why they deserve to suffer- might not even be true. i could tell when i yelled at the monk that my reasons didn't feel true in my own heart- that i didn't believe them.

it was a really really sucky experience, losing these things that were very precious to me- gifts from friends and family, and man, i am very sorry to have lost them, but in a way, having this lesson, that things are not human experience and love, is more valuable.

basically, you can't take any object here with you when you go, and the things that might seem to represent those who have gone to us still here, actually don't - you cant keep them here on earth.

USA!

2008-10-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

well , now that i've been hangin stateside for a little while, i don't know what to say. i'm... staying regular? which is alot more than i can say about some of the more white bread/rice consuming countries of the world- y'all know who you are.

but i want to keep on writing in this thing because it's my favorite thing to do on the net- well, besides look for cheap ipods on craigslist, which is really becoming a chore.

i know- did y'all see the presidential debate last night? i listened to it on the radio but i heard they had them sitting right next to each other. what sicko did that to them? it was probably that bob schieffer. sittin all smug from his chair on high- takin' bets and wavin' bills- watchin' the alpha dogs fight and bristle.

i'm glad i didnt see that one on tv. the one i caught the other night was embarrassing enough. abby and i were talking about it last night- how we cringe for both of them, when obama's stuttering "i, uh, uh" and mcain is slurring his words and repeating "my friends" over and over again.

we were both pretty wasted by then because we were playing the drinking game where you have to drink every time they do those things. just kidding. but i heard about that from facebook. what a joy!

after that i was reading my book, "cuban palimpsests," by jose quiroga, about (mostly) the "special period in times of peace"- the period in the 90's after the soviet union, which was heavily subsidizing the country, collapsed and many hardships were felt by the people, including a constant hunger, and the government was forced to let up some on some of its more oppressive policies and also to open the country a bit more to tourists, which brought its own money and problems. it was a big deal.

for those of you who don't know what a palimpsest is (and who does?), my fav definition is from the american heritage dictionary:

'A manuscript, typically of papyrus or parchment, that has been written on more than once, with the earlier writing incompletely erased and often legible.'

it refers to the past- present mash-up that is cuba and her exiled communities at any given time. also, there was a shortage of paper during this time so maybe there was some real palimpsestin' goin on, too- i don't know, i'm not that far into the book.

one of the points i was reading after the debate last night was that politics is so tied to the people there, because of the collective political experience, because of the constant propaganda beaming at all, 'venceremos!'. in communism you can't just sit back and do your own thing.

sure, i might have my own cringe- inducing emotional reactions to watching a presidential debate, but i am also able to disassociate myself from the whole process and look and laugh from some kind of safe apathetic ground, where i can look around and see all my friends and we're all there and it's comfortable. and if it's not exactly comfortable, at least i cant feel anything. but lets not go all harold on everybody here, folks. not that cuba is some sweet maude gonna make us oatstraw tea, but.

Anyways, must go for now- ta ta!

Haiku

2008-10-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

i got robbed
in mexico
and now i came home

Dude!

let me tell you about it. so, after a week or so at the sweet beach paradise the lady i was working for went a little crazy and i was looking for another place. i had gotten little hints like 'oh, that bitch is crazy, don't work for her' but nothing like a clear message:) and she seemed real sweet. and that carribbean blue water...
so i had to set out to find a new place to rent. and i found it a short while later at this nice older woman from austin, lin's place. she was renting a cute cabana- style house right on the beach and wanted to share the expenses. it seemed like a great option to just chill for a while and think about my next step- if i wanted to stay til the high season to make some cash. maybe i could pick up an instrument. the accordian. yeah.
but the very night i arrived at my chill new home...drumroll...i got robbed. theives broke in in the middle of the night when we were both asleep. lin woke me up early saying i think we were robbed. they had gone thru all of our stuff- taken the rent money, camera :(, all my adorning jewelry which wasn't worth anything to sell but alot to me. and more stuff, those f**kers.
after that. i started to fell mistrustful and vulnerable. i had a bad look in my eye.
let me tell you about the unlikely, unholy trinity of mexican law: taxi drivers, cops and drug dealers.
first, you have the taxistas. they are the taxi drivers which bank and make bank on the fact that the public transportation system there is a few buses short of non- existant. and the people of mexico are, hello, poor and without transportation so they spend all their money on expensive taxis. to be a taxi driver in mx- or at least where i was, it seemed like a prerequisite to be a gross and thuggy man. you really do have to be in the taxi drivers union, which seems like a mafia, and that's what people understand them to be. when i first got to tulum i had the idea of getting an old bus and just running it all day from the town, where the people live, to the the touristy beach about 4 miles away, where they work, so they wouldn't have to spend 5 bucks each way in a cab but everyone said don't even try it- you don't wanna go up against the taxistas.
next, it's the cops. like a uruguayan friend there said, "sure, i don't like the cops anywhere, but here- uhhhh(shudder)." more gross thug guys lookin ya up and down. in fact, people say dont even call the police if it is nighttime and you are getting robbed or something, cause whatever they bring is worse. and the corruption is so much. i can think of businesses that budget 5-10 thousand dollars per year on bribes to police and political figures.
lastly, the grossest thugs of them all- the drug lords. did you know that a majority of the cocaine from south america passes right by or through the yucatan? i heard so many stories of kilos and kilos washing up on shore or fishermen striking it rich with the-what did they call it- white fish or something like that. i think the drug people are the scariest and of course they are running the show. they take what they want and don't mind killing.
it really sucks for the mexican people to have to live with all these turds in power. as lin said- it's paradise with a twist.
so, i decided to come back to austin for a month or so. it's not what i had in the plans, but shit happens.
things i am looking forward to: staying with my friend abby who rocks, austin thrift stores( thank god! i just about died with no cute used clothes in latin america- i don't know how they stand it), seeing atx friends and family, going to community yoga, and oh yeah, figuring out what i'm gonna do with my life.
any ideas? i'll keep you posted. jeje(that's haha in spanish).

Fashion mags

2008-09-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

I love fashion photography. I love the sick carnal stories they tell, especially the big names like Gucci and Prada.
I'm looking thru the September Harpers Bazaar- Fall Fashion. Just like People has the "Star Tracks" in the beginning, fashion mags have the expensive brand- name ads. Thats really all i like- the muffin- tops of the magazine world. Yet somehow when you make a purely muffin- top magazine, like Star or Us, it is less satisfying than just reading those first 15 pages or so. The quality and texture depreciates. But, on the grand scale, when youre comparing, say, staring at a pelican for an hour and celebrity magazines, it's only a slight difference. I'm still waiting for them to come out with an all fancy pants fashion ad magazine. Sure, there's filler but its worth it.
This season Prada has a kind of severe dominatrix headmistress clutching her big black bag. Behind her is the shadow of another similar creature, giving the idea that there are many of them residing in this blue shadowy other world- all sitting around like iguanas.
Next it's the Gucci hippies, dancing around in a drug- induced trance. smelling flowers sexily.
TODS's clothes are all- American and hideous as always but they do have Gweneth Paltrow as their model. They even made her look bad, though.
The Chanel Girl has found her way to an empty room from a hip party in a run- down victorian mansion. She is Just Too Cool. She looks like she is ready either to have sex or a conversation, I wonder if that was her script.
But here is my favorite- Dolce & Gabana- they're doing this plaid thing for fall. I wish you could see it. It's like a big rich inbred family having a winter vacay at the Kensington's Lodge.
There's the two bratty younger cousins in the center. The dopey family hang- around/ worshipper who's in love with the oldest sister is holding a horse with her. The young gay writer and his boyfriend, the jock cousin who might or might not have hooked up with him, but has had a thing for, like, forever with the spunky red- headed. This is the type of family immortalized in "the Royal Tannenbaums"- totally messed up and insular. You are disgusted and yet want to be one of them. The older cousin who lives in a soap opera, and might or might not be gay, Victoria! It's so dramatic. How can you not get sucked in to their twisted lives filled with love and deceit.
Oh, and I love the Blumarine Girls- total Burning Man freaks, in their tutus.
I'm obsessed, obviously, so don't take my word for it- but I saw these photos in an exhibit of "radical NY art from the 80's"- where the guy had taken a set from an advertising shoot and shot his takes from slightly off kilter. The effect was to de- stylize the stuff they were selling- if you look at it all from a different angle all the desire and magic deflate and it just looks, well, totally lame.
That was my favorite. Someday I'd really love to do that with all those red carpet and celebrity "star Tracks" shots- just take the picture from over their shoulder. Either that or gloss up and stylize pictures of my friends going in and out of convenience stores. No one could look as bad as Britney.

In Tulum. ps i finally figured out posting pictures

2008-09-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

first off let me say that i am so happy and feel so blessed to be here right now. really my dream when i was in austin was to be on a beach practicing massage somewhere in the carribbean. at the time i didnt even know how to spell carribbean, as i learned with a few google searches.

i hadnt thought any further than that- basically what we're all fantasizing about at work or home in our "normal" lives- we want to live in a dream. and the dream is probably different for everyone- for some it is the best hamburger in the world, for others it is having unlimited access to designer clothes and the body to wear them. it's the loving family, the dog at the lake, the sportscar. we're all thinking about it. all the time it seems.

i had the beach dream real bad when i left.

ok the clothes one, too. but what was really looping around and around in my bored funky head was the scene of me wearing a cute dress riding my bike down some cobbled colonial street with the carribbean ocean in the background and waving gracefully to all of my rasta carribbean friends, of whom i was the queen.

is that so much to ask? actually i was asking so much more- a crowd of hip artsy friends and a ton of money, the perfect boyfriend... i could really go on now that i think of it.

but the main idea i had when i left austin a month and a half ago was this: live near a beach and practice massage.

when i got here everyone said you gotta go to this place where they might hire you to do massages. it's a little hotel and restaurant on the beach with cute cabanas and thatched roofs. their main business is bikini fitness retreats where mostly americans and english women come for a week or 10 days to eat healthy, work out alot, do yoga, ogle hot young guys on staff, and get lookin good for their bikinis.

i went there to audition as a massage therapist but it's the slow season and they wont have work for me until december. but got hired to do some bookkeeping instead. and i will be doing a work trade for a while in exchange for living out there. so i got a place to stay and meals for a month or so, yes! sweet!

then, on my birthday, i was headed out there and a couple of guys gave me a ride- one was american and the other peruvian. they were going to a nearby hotel for work as well. we exchanged small talk, i said i was a massage therapist looking for work, etc. and then thanks, good luck on everything, this is my stop, goodbye nice meeting you. fifteen minutes later, they came back to get me and said this is your lucky day- the lady at the other hotel really needs a massage therapist. so i went and met her and she was una amor. so sweet and we had a great time talking and she said,"i want you to be the massage therapist for hotel parayso"! the only problem is as i said, it's the slow season and it happens to be the slowest season in like 25 years, what with all the hurricanes, economy and safety worries. so i have to wait for some business which usually comes around in a month or so. we'll see.

but on my birthday after that i felt so good. i was wading into the calm blue water, no one else was around, and i started laughing to myself- i did it! i cant believe i did it and i did it by my birthday. i took a chance and now heres my dream right in front of me.

i should also back track and tell you about how i found my saint- the Virgin de la Caridad del Cobre. in cuba i had given leo's sister, maribel, some incense and she put it away to save for september 7th which is the day of yemaya, the goddess of the sea. i said wow- my birthday is the 8th and she was like really? that is the day of the Caridad del Cobre and she is the saint of all cuba. she is very loving and she brings luck to those born on her day. it seemed like everyone in cuba knew all the days of all the saints and goddesses (cuba is the same as many latin countries- christianity flourishes alongside of all the deities everyone worshipped before and both are fuller for it). I would say i was born on the dia de la Caridad, and people would be like, oh the 8th of september? you could name a date like, december 4th- they'd think for a minute and say- that's the day of Santa Barbara.

Anyway, through another lucky adventure, which i'll have to write about later:), i was given a little gold framed picture/ statue of her. maribel told me that when i get to mexico i must pray to her everyday and ask for guidance and help on my path, to meet the right people and be guided to the good situations. she said i could ring a bell when i'm talking to her and to offer her 5 sunflowers. she didnt know why but that's what people give her.
i have been praying to her every day and while i still havent gotten her a bell, on her day i went to get her some sunflowers. i went to the only tienda in tulum that sells flowers to find them. when i got there it looked like they only had three left, but in the end they had exactly 5 left- perfect! i bought them and offered them to La Caridad. I know that she has been working on my behalf and that she led me to the massage job with the nice people. i am so happy to have found her and to feel her love and blessings.
so to backtrack to what i started out talking about- it's ironic that our idea of a perfect life is really just the end of a story- got the husband, the job, the kids, the place- whew! thank god i dont have to think or worry anymore- but what happens in the end is that we die, right?

but this is just the beginning of my story. lots of ups and downs and all that to come and like rumi's poem i want to invite them both in, each as a cherished guest, to my house.

love ya,

juanita

OMG I gotta blog

2008-09-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ooooh I´m so excited. Igot my own blog. I got some ice cream. I got my own blog. woohoo! this is just the kind of personality cult i was made for!
i feel so technologically advanced. this is how i felt when the first pictures of me surfaced on the web.
oh crap. i guess i have to actually say something now. it´s like the honeymoons already over and real life is setting in. that didn´t last long, but hey neither my honeymoons so lets get down to biz.
first i´ll name off my favorite blogs- the inspriations of this truly:
1). well of course you already know that for about 5 months i´ve been obsessed with glassyeyes.blogspot.com- 15$ eyeglasses including the lenses and s&h and everything?! thats a deal. i´m the proud owner of four pairs, including one very dorky one. i should also be the future proud owner of a t-shirt that says "ask me how to get cheap eyeglasses on the net"
2). www.desdecuba.com/generaciony i have just been turned on to this one- very interesting blogger in Cuba, censored there and, i just read, said to be paid for by the CIA. I remember the frustration of the people i met there when i read her blog. and it´s like i´m right there and she´s talking to me.
that is actually all the blogs i know.
i tried facebook but i couldnt figure out how to get a blog on there and besides i just dont like having another thing to check on the computer, another tech addiction. i knew it wouldn´t work out- facebook and me, but still i gave it a shot. you live and you learn.
with this blog i do thee keep in touch. i am travelling in mexico right now and would like to be able to write back about what i´m doing so anyone can look it up anytime and i don´t have to mess with mass email anymore. theyre so nineties and eary 2000´s, dont you think?
so. that´s it. it´s my very own blog i´m so stoked. i want to send alot of love out to family and friends- i miss yáll but i know we´ll see each other soon. some SUNNy day!