How to Make the Best Cup of Hot Chocolate. Ever.

Cacao grows on a tree like this. These ones aren't ready yet- they turn a yellowy- brown when ripe.

When it's ripe you start with the raw cacao fruit (above). You can eat the small bit of fruit around the seed which tastes a little like a grape and that leaves you with the purpley seeds. Then you let the seeds ferment for some time(not pictured).

Now you have a bunch of dried out fermented cacao seeds. Put on your bathing suit and start a fire. Smokin'!

Get a little help from your friends to stir the beans so they won't burn on the bottom. Stir til they start to pop and smell real good.

Now they're roasted! While they're still warm shell the little papery skins off them.

Then you have the fresh roasted edible beans. Eat a few just to make sure. Just to make sure you're still alive- that stuff's the bomb!

Pour some beans and sugar in a mortar and pestle it up, just like in the olden days...

Uh, the coffee grinder's a lot faster- but don't let anybody see!

Boil it on the stove in water (add a little bit of fresh ground coffee if you want to be really divine about it.

Pour and serve hot.

Kiss and enjoy..

With friends!

I'm Fine!!!

I heard from a couple of you that you were worried that I was in an earthquake here. Actually, I was in San Isidro and did not feel a thing- no earth movin, no shudder, nothin. We only heard about it after it happened and my heart goes out to the people who were affected.
Now that that's out of the way, i guess i can go back to writing in all lower case letters. so i got in to the valley i am staying at a week ago today- very beautiful, green, lush. i had connected with a friend from childhood, i mean like 2 or 3 childhood when we were apparently part of the 'kid herd' on the farm together, through facebook. autumn has a small restaurant she opened here recently which is very cute and i will be helping her some; she also found a place for me to stay nearby- thanks girl!
for the first week i was in san jose staying with some norwegians and now i'm near san isidro, which is pretty much gringolandia. it's kind of... strange to be so segregated. i can see how the influx of so many north americans has made it harder for a lot of ticos- the ones who aren't profiting from the tourists with hotels and restaurants and such. for example, all the gringos i have met who have bought land here have done it with gringo money- that is to say, american wages, which are many times higher than what costa ricans work for(usually around $2/hr, i hear). so how can the people from here compete with the rising land prices? and rising everything prices? it's happening in neighborhoods and countries all over the world. it's an uncomfortable thought- that i, just by being here am part of this problem. of course it's not the only issue- there are plenty of things all of us do from the comfort of our own secure homes in the united states that make life harder for people all around the world. it's good to remember this, good to try to change it.
uhhh.... i don't know where to go from that.
well, i am writing a lot- feels great. am also reading a lot and have started an interesting habit- for the past week or so i have been doing 2 hours of yoga every morning- having a nice yoga retreat. lovin that. am living with 2 older women- one is 69 and the other is 75!! i have to be honest and say that one is driving me crazy! i don't want you to be too jealous- everything isn't always necessarily roses just cause you leave the country. i am, overall, happy that i made the decision to unsettle myself, though. i feel like i am on a retreat of some sort, even if there is no schedule of workshops and stuff. there is gourmet food, though- autumn has been feeding me good up at the cafe- fresh fruit, veggie juices, salads.... yum. oh yes, and a water- into- wine kind of a never ending river of hot chocolate made with fresh roasted ground cacao- divine! am swooning right now.
i have to tell you about the trip we took to the beach at the nearby town of dominical, probably my most exciting news because i discovered a passion. we were hanging out and swimming and i was having a particularly super time in the water- jumping all around and being silly. and watching the surfers. waaaayy cute. then autumn ran up and said hey do you want to rent surfboards and it was as if she read my mind.
ok, ok. so we went and rented some beginner boards. she and her friend chris went out for a while first and she actually stood up a few times. then i went out. she told me how you have to paddle paddle paddle and then dip your head and board down under the waves as they're crashing down until you get out beyond the break. i made it out there and then she said, ok! here comes one- try and get it. i turned around to face the shore and started to paddle to stay a little in front of it, and then it caught me up and all of the sudden i was going so fast- like a video game or something. it was so fast i didn't even turn around to see the wave behind me and i was screaming and laughing the whole way in. omg i hope i'm describing it good. it was one of the funnest things i've ever done- and i never even stood up!!
i always intuited that i'd be a great surfer- had just never tried it before. it's like when augusten burroughs said that after his first cigarette he realized he had always been a smoker- he just hadn't had cigarettes. it's just me and the waves from here on out, dude:). i have a new goal of moving down to the beach and becoming a surfer girl. minutes after that first wave in i was fondly remembering that winter i spent surfing in costa rica when i was 29.
the goal of moving back to the city and studying spanish and latin american literature is still there, but we will see. the place i was to be staying at fell through and i'm not sure how excited i would be to be in the city now. but i am still planning on going back to school when i return to austin in may. and then on to start my fabulous career in.. one thing or another. giggle. giggle.
i mean, is it so wrong that all this girl wants to do right now is surf?
and surf some more?

Jennifer Gale

this is something i had wanted to post almost a month ago when i heard the news that jennifer gale passed away. she died in the cold on december 16th. i just read a quote from austin mayor will wynn that `jennifer, we believe, is the 136th person who has died sleeping on the streets (of austin) over the last 12 months.´ thats more than ten per month- around three per week, just in austin.
i met jennifer when i was canvassing in downtown austin for greenpeace, a very fun time in my life. downtown in the middle of the day you see a bunch of business guys running around in their suits and ties, the jesus freaks, the canvassers, and the homeless. 

it was our job to speak with people who might have money and try to get some of it from them for greenpeace and ourselves. i had a great time talking to the homeless population, though. there were so many characters- there was leslie and a cross dressing knockoff you would usually see stumbling around on methadone with his eyes rolled back into his head, who i called 'leslie 2'. he had a fantastic wardrobe, though- black vinyl, the tallest platforms, garters. i was always mystified about how he was ever together enough to pull off these amazing and detailed style feats. i hope he didn't just have some kind of disease that made him look drugged out all the time and now i'm being a jerk.

a lot of the people down there had some really interesting points. i remember one time in the spring i saw a woman with one of those red clown noses and some antlers on. she was smiling at everyone and, even sans antlers, she seemed like she might not be all there. i asked her if she had a minute for greenpeace. we started talking and she said she would like their address in case she ever had an extra dollar she could send in. she told me why she had the nose and antlers on- she got cold, she said, and the wind really bothered her. at first she had tried to wear a ski mask but she received angry or scared stares and people would walk away feeling worse. so then she found the clown nose and people started laughing when they saw her and they left with a smile on their faces. and the antlers? they just went with the nose.

jennifer was one of my favorite people to talk to. she always had something interesting to say. it might come off as a little wacky at first but then you'd be like, hey- they really should have a place where the homeless can stay in shape or, hydrogenated oils should be banned from all school campuses. 

our conversations would almost always come around to hydrogenated oils. she really schooled me on that subject. this was before the europeans banned them and before cheetos and lays and almost all junk chips (except fritos, which have always been the hippy staple of convenient stores) and cookies had 'partially hydrogenated oil' in the first three ingredients. i had a vague notion they were bad for me but didnt know why. she said that after she had cut them out of her diet for a while and then tried to eat them again she could feel her mind spacing out and having trouble concentrating, her heart rate quickening, and eventually a crash- like the experience to eating too much white sugar, which she was also lobbying against.

well, i stopped eating hydrogenated oils and when i tried them again i found that she was totally right. from that conversation i ended up developing a theory on my own high school depression- i think it was all the dang cheese nips and hot pockets and whoppers i ate.

jennifer believed all these things and she acted on them. she was at city council meetings voicing her opinions every week. she ran for mayor multiple times and she came close to being elected to the school board. and she was a freakin' transgendered person living on the street! 

what i liked the most about her, other than her willingness to speak her mind, was her wide- openness. she kept her sensitive heart open to the world and to everyone i saw her come into contact with. we can all learn from that.

Happy New Year!

hey y'all! i hope you had a wonderful new years eve last night, and are having an equally great first day today. well, i got in to san jose a few days ago and have been travelling with quang, alex, robert, and their friend stephanie since then. she's from here so the first night we went back to her family's place and hung out and they told me all about their trip thus far and showed pictures and stuff. then the next morning we got up early and headed out in our rental car up into the mountains toward some hot springs near a volcano, arenal. all the springs we had seen on the internet were really expensive, but they were beautiful- a little flowing hot river in the middle of the jungle- we decided to go anyway and try to find a free spot to jump in. and we did find that spot. we went to the very nicest resort on the river, which costs about 75$ to enter, and parked on the road with everyone else. then instead of walking in through the hotel gates we just walked down the road a bit and found the free local access. it was so nice- i'll try and attach photos.
we bathed there for a while and went exploring and even at one point got kicked out of the fancy hotel part of the stream- which was not any nicer, by the by. then we hopped back into the car and went all the way to puntarenas, a small port town that had the ferry we wanted to get on to go to a beach town called monteZuma, which we had heard was a fun little hippy town and beach to hang out in.
we thought we might stay the night in puntarenas for the night but it was just a dingy funky town so we said, let's head straight for the ferry. we got there and there was already a huge line of cars waiting to get on so we got in line, as it turned out, two cars after the cutoff line for the last ferry. we waited it out because they said they were trying to call another ferry to accommodate the many more cars still in line- this was a really busy time because costa ricans had off from christmas to new years and everyone was going to the beach to celebrate and vacation on the beach.
so, after much waiting around drinking a few beers outside the car, and an ill fated chicken run which produced a bag of cold, old, yellow port-town chicken, the line started to move and we actually made it in by our skins onto that ferry- i think someone's car had broken down or something and everyone jumped in front of them like mad.
it was the night ferry, leaving at about eight, and was full of rowdy young costa ricans playing music and dancing and drinking, getting ready to party at the beach. after that we all piled in our cars and headed down to monteZuma to find some food and a place to stay.
we got in at about 10:30 and every hostel or hotel we asked was full for the night. also, no restaurants were open, though we eventually did find some piZZa to eat. for the housing problem, we decided to build a fire and sleep on the beach. it occurs to me now that we couldn't just do that in the states, but there it was no problem. the worst part about it was that i awoke at 3am with excruciating cramps and started my period. so far, i've lived my life until now, even making it through high school without having started at a more inconvenient time. so i spent a couple hours in agony by the fire until the advil kicked in.
then the next morning we got up early and went back to this cute little hostel we had seen on the internet and tried the night before. by a stroke of luck for us someone had checked out early just that morning so they had a room for us, but even 15 mins later i saw them turning people away because it was that packed.
so i had an awesome shower and went down to the beach for the day. it was gorgeous and relaxing. in the afternoon, the guys went back to the room for a nap and stephanie and i went hiking around to some other beaches. we found a fresh stream that led up to some more waterfalls and pools in the rainforest. it was great- lush, cool, clean and green. and we were the only people around. on our way back we saw a family of howler monkeys in the trees above us. the baby was so little and cute, but the dad was so big and, though he was cute, too, he started making this barking sound to scare us off. it starts as a low drumming sound and progresses to a sound that conjures images of the biggest baddest police german shepard- slash- wolf-boar. it's intimidating, for sure. and a great acting turn for them cause they're really not that big.
then the next day we caught the ferry back- almost missed it like the first one because we got lost and had a flat tire. but somehow we made it and i bought a fresh coconut as we got out of the car. then we ate lunch at a little restaurant connected to a fisherman's association. we ate the best ceviche i've ever had.
then we drove back to san jose and ended up here at our friend chris's parents' house up on the hill overlooking the city. chris is a norwegian who was raised in the states and costa rica, and lived with quang in austin last year. he's here visiting for a few months and i am planning on staying here in february and march while i take spanish classes at the university.
but now i'm off to meet up with a friend named autumn who was born on the same commune as me and has been living here for a few years. she lives more in the country and i wil stay out there with her for a month or so.
ok. that's the trip so far. i'm being safe. having fun. thinking about the now and the future, sometimes the past.
love,
me

first off, you really missed it. by you, i mean anyone other than joe and heather, who were our tag- team studio audience for the last distinguished p interview (another great success, if you even have to ask). this round was ignacio del espacio, famed emailist and puppeteer. he spoke about life growing up in the carribbean and whether or not he was popular there. sadly, he has not met any other famous people before so we couldn't dwell on that, but he did reveal his birth name. that's right, ladies- anyone wanna take a cruz? that info is top secret, of course. not that i cant print it here, but now you just have to keep the secret. and the walk out is at three on friday.
i think you should all do yourselves a favor and visit: www.cafepress.com/jesus_was_black
for some good gift ideas for the holidays. Your religious extended family will appreciate one of these christmas tree ornaments. also theyre designed by a girl i work with at the mall. thats right, i said it. the mall- lets just get that out of the way.
the most pressing thing i have to tell you about it, and it's really that i just want to get it off my chest- to tell someone, is: i hate coach bags. and everyone and their mother, especially their mother, has one- either a coach or a fauxch. theyre just so dingy and brown and mediocre. they look like the purses that you'd pass right over at the thrift store- old and beat- up looking even when theyre new, lame design- i feel bad just looking at them. this guy coach has made a killing on this marketing strategy- make a bunch of boring purses with a monotonous logo repeated all over it, and colors? how about brownish grey and tope? overprice them et voila! they're desirable.
enough about those damn bags. i mean, if youre gonna do a logo bag, youre better off with louie vuitton. though still somewhat ugly, they look cuter, but that could just be because they seem more exclusive. you wear that purse to say, "look at all my money, babay, i just drape it on my arm like this"
and whats with the new trend of everyone carrying purses with cow prints on them? most women, i think, don't want the allusion of heifers anywhere near them. then why? why are they all carrying these big cow bags? this is a new trend- i really only started noticing it a few weeks ago. if i didnt work at the mall i would never know about these things and possibly neither would you. finally, you dont have to go all the way to the mall to hear breaking fashion news like this. just keep on tuning in, folks.
i'd like to post some of the audio from the interviews here. who am i kidding- my computer doesnt even have sound or images. before you laugh, i like having a little older, less intelligent model around. it's workin for me and not the other way around, know what i mean? i don't want no "hal" moments around here.
i heard that
who said that?

Thats what I Want

i was never a baby holder when i was young- you know, the girl who spots a baby and has to hold it. i was really fine if i never even got to touch one. i think people could tell and they didn't give me their babies that often. at one point i might have decided that in order to be popular i would have to start to like and fawn over babies, but after a few tries i gave that up- wasn't me (not that i didn't do many other superficial and disingenuous things in that pursuit, but.)
but then, when i was about 23, all that changed. it started as an interest in those "little people" that i hadn't ever experienced before. all of the sudden, babies were cute. i still didnt want to touch them, but i could start telling them apart. and appreciating their beauty- i would smile at a beaming mom and honestly say, cute baby. it was so new- i finally felt like one of the club.
and once i was in that club, i was not going back. in fact, it didn't take long before i had a real desire to hold any baby i saw. babies of friends, of people who i didnt know. my hands would get warm and reach out for the writhing little fellas. i'd be counting the seconds til i could hold that baby. oh, you feel so good holdin' a baby!- you get all warm and gushy as a hormonal rush hits and you can smell their little baby heads. my mom has a friend who says that the smell of a baby is contagious- he warns against smelling them unless you plan on having one.
and plan on having one i did! baby holding is pretty much a gateway drug. you keep coming back for more. but its not long before you start following pregnant women around the store and buying way too many maternity- looking clothes for yourself, which, yes, they are in style now but if youre imagining how cute all your clothes will fit once you're pregnant-you've got a problem.
it's a downward spiral. pretty soon i was in all out desperate "someone put an effin' baby in me, stat" mode. of course, there was a major part of the equation that i was paying little attention to- thats right, the baby-maker. no, not god, though i would have her baby. the guy, silly! i begrudgingly began my quest to find someone suitable, but came back empty-handed.
and thats how i passed the last 5 or 6 years- in a hormone- induced baby frenzy, looking for babies and the right man to feed my habit. i figured i would just live out my life that way, or at least my thirties. but the strangest thing has begun to happen: my baby yearning is slacking. if it were on a graph, you would see a sharp decline over the last six months. recently, it all but drops off.
and it's being replaced by something else: i used to want a baby. now, i just want money. yep, thats right- no more warm soft baby- i want cold hard cash. i want a little money- baby that i can cuddle and rock to sleep at night. a little lamb of benjamins.
and i want a car, and a big big crib- the kind on mtv, and designer high- heels and hair extensions- i want the whole lot. i dont know where all this came from- outta left field and i'm sure freud would have an interesting and inaccurate view of what it springs from. my friend, dirty joe said, in his wizened country drawl, in between puffs off a top cigarette, "aww, waneeta, don't go chasin' false idols," and i appreciate his advice, but how the hell am i gonna get rich with friends who have names like dirty joe anyway.
all i know is that i finally kicked the baby habit. stopped smokin that baby- crack. sure, i might be on money-methadone, but i feel like i'm making progress.
actually, i really do feel like a veil was lifted and i've got a new lease on life. what the hell was i doing to myself all those years, anyway? i can remember a conversation i was having with a friend about a year ago- we were talking about guys and he said, 'you know, as a gay man i don't really have that whole married with kids thing to fall back on in my life- i dont have that plan' like he wished he did, but i could feel some of my future-reality fabric tearing away because when he said that, all i thought was that his future was wide open. like he didn't just have to stop when he hit up to this wall of a conventional idea- he could do whatever he wanted.
that's how i'm feeling right now- instead of the intense fear of not having children that i've lived under for this long, i can just let the baby thing go and see what all the other exciting possibilities are. will i be a british secret agent? the 186th woman to fly a plane around the world?
a great single girlfriend of mine was miserating the other night about how she'll be lonely forever when all she wants is a husband and kids. i thought, girl, dont waste your time with any idiot that comes along- go out and find what it is that you want to do- it's ok to be totally empowered in thinking just about yourself. don't put a limit on what you can do using society's rules- make your own!
so in a way, i'm giving the middle finger to the domestic bliss myth that i think has a lot of gals like me feeling down about their situations. a friend of mine who has a kid said to me, when we were talking about how people tend fall in love with the idea of someone else and not the reality, that having children is like that, too- that there is a whole romantic story about it, but when you actually have one, it's a helluva lot of work- work that doesn't let up for eighteen years. and i know that eventually i would still like to do it, but right now- i ain't goin' out like that.
i still want a beamer and a mink coat, though. just kidding! i'd rather go naked(than wear fur)!

Blogger Declares First- Ever Distinguished Person Interview A "Success"!

thursday, 6:33pm- a little late. all was calm in the backspace at 300 allen st., except the usual bustlings of the stolid germanic workforce behind inside books, sending free books to texas prisoners since a long time ago. it was their worknight, after all.
but something else was also happening in the teevee close by, with an audience member culled from the house to prove it- the first ever of the Fall interview series of Distinguished Persons!

this week's DP was heather. she told some great stories about growing up in vero beach, florida and her dreams to move to new york and own a cat named napolean. she also recounted a fabulous story about when she climbed way up into a bay tree to get out of going on a third date with someone. i'd love to post some soundbites here but dont know how. i'll be working on it. i got this knock- off ipod that i cnat quite figure out how to work, but i did get to record the interview on it. it's digital- it should sync up, right?

this week on sideways "the view" : arte y revolucion

interference! please adjust your television sets

members of our studio audience

some other audience members get back to work at inside books

all in all, a fabulous evening and a dashing success. i'd like to thank heather for her sweet poems and entertaining conversation. and roy for the pictures and for being a good audience w/rolando and the ibp folks.

come to the next one, y'all! it might even be... dun dun daa! :Rolando! (i still have to ask him)